I've never felt so disarmed. I wondered what it was I dreamt about that had me wakened into such deep sadness. I don't think it mattered. I think it was the changing of the orange rays that flooded my room. My soul must have grasped in that briefness of the reflected sunset that time is passing. And I saw it passed by me, alone. It was as if Time manifested before me in an apparition and greeted me warmly. But I was alone.
What beautiful sadness it was. I acutely remember its suddenness, which made it unlike any other laborious melancholy. A moment of feeling that surged pure, from within my soul, without the confines of any worldly thought. I simply felt without coming to a feeling. It came to me.
i think there's a term for this. ambedo: n. a kind of melancholic trance in which you become completely absorbed in vivid sensory details—raindrops skittering down a window, tall trees leaning in the wind, clouds of cream swirling in your coffee—which leads to a dawning awareness of the haunting fragility of life.
ReplyDeleteand i think theres a scene exactly like this in On The Road. Sal woke up at dusk and felt so disarmed and lonely.
yes that's exactly what it was. sad mad kerouac. *sigh* thanks for dropping by huda.
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