Sunday, August 31, 2014

Stay part I

Caught in a web of smoky feelings. Missing things that are, were, even things that never were. What do you call this submerged feeling? Something akin to warm sea water. Blue and inviting, clear and endless. A beckoning mystery that promises and whispers through the breeze.

You are the ocean. I am the shoreline. My words are the wind. And I think, "I've given all I am allowed to give." And I wonder what sort of expression you would make. A grin, most likely. A friendly deflection. Ever silent. You never grace me with a direct response. I wonder. Something in between assent and dissent? Either way, it doesn't matter. What matters is that I have been allowed.  You have allowed me a fantasy. And I am pierced by your faith. Thus I am loyal.

And all would be like warm sushine by the beach. This soft glowing. Like the setting sun, something in all of this is fading. If fading could be stretched into eternity. A never ending softness. Death by love. 

Must I put a disclaimer here? As if friendship is void of love. As if romantic love is all there is. Any kind of love, is never commonplace. Love is love. Friends are lovers. Lovers are lovers. 

What a feat. What a feat of sentiment I have moved myself to construct. For you. Ever for you. Sweet friend, stay well. 

Friday, August 29, 2014

a touch of introspection

It will be September soon, spring will come. It is foggy these days. Even in the dead of night Melbourne is covered in ethereal fog. As if the entire city is intent to make the vestiges of winter a magical one. I am not partial to the bite of cold (not news). I suppose I will only miss Melbourne when I can no longer go back to it. Because to be honest, while I was home for winter break (much has happened in that rather short period), not a single thought of mine went towards this city. Then again, one can only feel at home and miss it only when the people or things they love are there to populate it. Melbourne is my alma mater. It teaches more than it comforts.

I am ever happy to frolic about with roomie and sofy. But it is a mystery to me that they never seem to feel the depths of dusk niggling at them. I do say 'seem'. Maybe they do after all. With much reservation thus, I say... perhaps not everyone feel it. Not everyone perhaps has been touched by introspection. That deep and occasionally involuntary pulling away from the present into the mind where one is faced with the soul and the heart. One becomes heedless of the world as is and enters instead into the realm of ambiguous perception.

Or I might simply be mistaking the simple act of pondering. Would not be the first time. And as always, the longing to put into writing the 'dusks' and 'depths' of humanity (love, eternity and all that tosh) nags at me. I seek only to bring into focus the vulnerability of being a creature of feeling. Just how much love and grief a person could harbor for the sake of another.

Anyway, when I do not write, I draw. And of course, the muse only rouses to which that calls to the heart. So I am not destitute. I linger still with ideas of martyrdom, nobility, stoicism and of course, the idea of ultimate love: selflessness.

Tuesday, August 5, 2014


I have a most striking flaw: To be quite terribly unforgiving when my patience runs out with somebody I care deeply for. I will state things as is, I will cut deep, I will be acidic. I will be gloriously angry and struggle to keep my peace. 

I believe in justice. I believe in 'setting things right'. Actions are a series of consequences and inevitably, people get hurt. Sometimes the 'blame' is equally distributed and sometimes not.

Pep talk

That one should let their self-worth be determined by another's opinion of them; seek no such thing. Be independent and seek yourself on your own. Set goals in life by your ideals. People (not just strangers in general, inclusive of family & friends) will help you but they may also pose a hindrance because people simply have opinions; some helpful, some not is all it is.

Be courageous, be generous, be forgiving.