Monday, December 29, 2014


Rain calls my name
Dripping off the broad green
Pooling in my head

The mind ripples
What thoughts lay there
Floating in darkened water

Sound the clouds
Heave the Sun off its throne
I yearn for the sky

Wednesday, December 24, 2014


My last week in Melbourne was infinitely hectic. I could barely breathe, I broke down once. But that is all over. It was happy but I was tired out too much to be alright at the end of the day.

The last shred of peace I found was when I stopped at S's place to pray Maghrib before she dropped me off in the city. We had been to the airport to fetch a girl and to send my cousin M off.

S recited the surahs gently, in a subdued melodious manner that had always been in her nature. It was wondrous. Tranquility came. When the Prophet (pbuh) Muhammad said to Bilal "Rest us, Bilal!" indicating he wanted Bilal to sound the call to prayer, ergo prayer being the 'Rest' he referred to, I felt that. I cherish that moment.

S who is always gentle, but not to be mistaken as weak-willed. There is fire within her. I have seen it, I know. It shows in the way she drives, her unguarded flares of reaction. Character and manners is beauty achieved through knowledge of what is Good and S has that. I admire her and seek to emulate her.

My last tranquility in Melbourne. I could not hope for anything better.

Tuesday, December 23, 2014

Flight home

I looked out the window, my seat was close to the wing, 32A. This was only the 2nd time I took a MAS flight to travel between Melbourne and home. Normally, I would have been on AirAsia, and always sitting in 51D. An aisle seat in the back most row on the plane. 

I tapped the glass with a finger, it was cool to the touch despite the Australian summer sun beating down outside. It was a long time before the plane moved. I was tired and relieved and waiting. Waiting to feel something. I was leaving Melbourne, leaving university, leaving a time during which I had only to care for myself. I felt freedom slipping from my fingers, Time turning its cruel back on me. I waited for the telling catch to rise in my throat. 

When the plane moved I stared at the wing's shadow. The shadow was crisp on tarmac and blurry where it fell on grass. The grass was green, smattered with tiny yellow flowers that grew wild and rampant anywhere on the sidewalks in Melbourne. Between the bright green were flaxen weeds. It had started raining by then. I worked my mind into reminiscing my last month in Melbourne. Most of these memories entailed moments with my roommate. How I love being around her.

I remember Melbourne like the reflections thrown by puddles on wet pavement. Stark and clear in places, faded into grey in others, and brief; as the Sun dries it all up in due time. 

When the plane took off I leaned closer to the window. I let the glare burn my vision. This bright, blinding Sun I only find in Melbourne. I shall miss it. It is a metaphor, in a way, of my golden days. Ha. Such carefreeness even in trying moments. Something about living away from home. Something about existing as an individual separate from parental supervision, familial roles. All of which could be cold and difficult sometimes, to be so independent, but mostly, freeing.

I looked around for the familiar azure of the Australian Sky. It was foggy, all is faded grey. Even in my last moments, Melbourne seeked to be surreal. I accepted its will. I watched the MAS logo on the wingtip, rise and fall, arching, as the plane turned and breached the lower layer of clouds. And there it was, a glimpse of blue. It was not much, but I drank the sight in.

I now see the land below through the glaze of clouds. I looked and looked. Flat lands of organized squares. Pastures, cities, roads, rivers. Australia is so flat, and terrifically well-planned. I watched the scenery change before me. Mountains, trees, lakes. I shot many videos on my phone. 

Then the plane rose higher still into the Sky. No more land was visible. Only a sea of clouds. I thought of God. The catch came. Tears threatened to well in my eyes, I shed a tear and contained myself. I prayed for many things.

And then I wrenched myself from the window, it was suddenly too much.

Monday, December 22, 2014

Thursday, December 11, 2014

Sunday, December 7, 2014

With the weather

With the silvered dark clouds, come good news and bad news. Friends who are suddenly struck with calamity on top of academic troubles, friends who you have only known to be kind and strong and generous.

It is hard. I am grateful for my blessings. I pray for them.


Skyscrapers in the distance are  clad in fog, a faded image lining the horizon. The buildings nearer come sharp in focus. All is white. Rain fall light and steady. The cobbled pathway glisten, the grey skies mirrored in the puddles. My friend the wind do not howl today, he merely caress the leaves where the birds are singing still. It is mid-day. This is the weather today. 

My exam results should be released this evening. I should hope to breathe easy soon.

Say it never

By my conscious decisions 
my deliberate actions 
I captain my soul 

By my wavering resolve
my enduring impatience 
I quietly unravel

By my steady hand
   I am my own 
           my own

Saturday, December 6, 2014

Night terror

In the Night
When darkness seems bright
You came to me

I am haunted 
By grief from another lifetime

I am haunted
By heartache from another age

In its void
    I am lost 
In its black
    I lose you 

Solemn one,
You who prey on my mind

When darkness hunt me down
You come to me

and I thought I was done with that nightmare

Thursday, December 4, 2014


I can't live without doing, creating something. Draw, write, edits, whatever. I have visions and I want them in motion. I want always to be moved.  

I only want calm after inspiration. 

Tuesday, December 2, 2014


of another's affection for you, and vice versa. Isn't that what a bond is. Testimonies in the form of words and actions, but mostly, whatever is successful in sowing faith in said person. That indeed, you do love them and they you.

To be able to feel yourself needed