Thursday, March 29, 2012

Dull. Boring. This harrowing task of stuffing yourself with knowledge decidedly impractical to you be it at present or the forseaeble future. I'm moaning about formal education instead of posting a poem because I've been working on one but kinda got stuck mid-way. It's just not painting the picture I wish it to. I even copied the rubbish I typed down while half-asleep (my idea of a hemingway haha) on cheap blue-coloured writing paper, hoping it would be easier for me to fix the disparity and finally spit out something, which I hope (as I always do with whatever I write) would appease, satiate this hunger for...*insert whatever* that plagues me. Until next time. Meanwhile I'll just lie still and drown myself in Chopin.

p.s. I've started reading Sartre's Nausea. So far every other page makes me feel like slapping Roquentin or just shoot him in the face. Physically harm him. Ugh. 

Tuesday, March 27, 2012

Don't speak

If all that is to be said changes nothing,
I prefer you silent.
Don't look at me with those eyes
and hope I will understand
I don't wish to see your pain
or mine reflected in yours.

If we were once intimate, then this is the end
of our affiliation. The gap between us now
will fester and never heal.
I don't wish to feel for you,
not anymore.
So speak no more.


Disdain mangles your face
rage mars your grace
with three little words, all propriety wash away
"You repel me", you say.

It's not just your countenance
but your voice, its cadence
as my mask falls away
with my mangled heart, I walk away.

Sunday, March 25, 2012

Solace (a playlist)

courtesy of a-certain-friend (download link: here)

Dear D. , thank you for this. It's lovely. Very much so. I'll think of something to reciprocate soon.

1. Intermezzo in A Major - Brahms
2. Romantic piano - Chopin
3. Nature Boy - The Three Sounds
4. Flash Back - Spring Waltz
5. Eve - Joe Hisaishi
6. Solitude - Joe Hisaishi
7. Endless Love (Piano) - Unknown
8. Twilight (Guitar) - Kotaro Oshio
9. Just Forget - Samurai Champloo OST
10. Nocturne No. 1 Op. 37 in G Minor - Arthur Rubinstein
11. The Scenery Begins - Yiruma
12. Aruarian Dance - Nujabes
13. Freah Orange - Blazo
14. Moonlight Waltz Osadnik - String Quartet by Addie M.S.
15. Illusive Azure - Blazo
16. Silent Beauty - Unknown
17. Biola Tak Berdawai - Biola Tak Berdawai OST
18. World Without Words - Nujabes
19. Who's Theme - Minmi
20. Nocturne No.2 in E flat Major Op. 9 - Arthur Rubinstein

Friday, March 23, 2012

Bon dieu ma cherie

Bon dieu ma cherie
am I to reveal another inch of my soul?
A plethora of constellations await me
yet I pick on the dimmest Star
one that walk amongst mankind unnoticed
shower her with gentleness so she glows
unawares of her light.

I proposed to her my eternal poetry
so she may be kept by me
in a bell jar, immortal.
Placed upon the pedestal of humanity
she wept tears of bitterness.

Bon dieu ma cherie
am I to peddle the rest of my being?
An infinity of muses beckon me
yet I chose to be faithful.
Darling Star, I can love you
but never embrace you
all so you may outlive darkness.

She proposed to me sweetness
so I may bask beside her
in blissful candour, unrepentant.
Placed upon the summit of felicity
I succumbed and bled myself dry.

Through this mess of remiss
tenderness have left us.
Loathing replaced loving
resentment replaced sentiment.
In an embrace we are asunder.

Thursday, March 22, 2012

Good morning, Goodnight

My salmon skies, morning breeze
and friendly grass by the pavement
are enough for me.
I am not missing anything.
I've said good morning to the ants by my postbox
the dripping tap by the carpark
and the white-eyed crows by the bins
they've seen me, they know me
that's enough for me.

My starry skies, evening glow
and street lights, that are yellow
are enough for me.
I am not missing anything.
I've said goodnight to the 30 steps in the stairway
the 31,000 stones of the cobbled pathway
and the 3 doors in the hallway
I know there's only one me
that's enough for me.

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Dear Maya

So............I missed an 'is' in the post script. Go figure.
There's no use trying to explain this because the references are literal & personal.
Only Maya and those intimate with her would understand.

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Somnolence (a playlist)

So, this is my life nowadays. I do everything with this on loop.

1. Clair de Lune (piano solo) - Debussy (Stephen Malinowski)
2. Waltz in C# Op. 64 No. 2  - Chopin (Arthur Rubinstein)
3. Howl's Moving Castle main theme - Joe Hisaishi
4. Le Matin (La Traverseé) - Yann Tiersen
5. Partita No. 1 (violin solo) - Bach (Arthur Grumiaux)
6. Ave Maria - Joshua Bell
7. None but the lonely heart - Tchaikovsky (Joshua Bell)
8. Arrival of the Birds - The Cinematic Orchestra
9. Opus 28 - Dustin O'Halloran
10. Hospital - Andrew Bird

I uploaded the files. Just because. Download link: here

*goes off to watch Howl's Moving Castle before bedtime*

Friday, March 16, 2012

Shy away

Because one knows that when sharing one's interest
one is baring one's self,
to be the object of scrutiny of a strange party.

One fears the judgmental eye ransacking one's heart.
The hurt of being misunderstood
is not an irrational falsehood.

I open to thee my doors
and lay all my loves (my vices) across the floors.
Spare me, stranger. Be tender.

There is much for me to lose
for this fragility of mine is no ruse.
Your dismissal will dismantle me.

Note: My ever-present fear of adversity whenever I am asked to justify my preferences be it book, films, music, food, weather, time of the day, colour (I don't have a favourite colour fyi). Difficult for me to share them with random strangers but I suppose my definition of a 'random stranger' has an exceedingly wide berth. 

Monday, March 12, 2012


Fumes of acrid anxiety swirling
in my heart, its heady tendrils choking
my vapid will.

My sight a-blight, my limbs limp
I swallow these acid thoughts.
In my iron mind, holes they wrought.

My guts flooded with bile
My brain & heart, immobile
My innards, kissed by Evil.

Note: I am anxious, is all. Inshallah tomorrow everything will be well.

Lonely Woods

I implore here, forgive my lack of mirth
for at this corner of the earth
I am terribly solitary.
The few friends that I have
scattered across the globe
but of my solitariness let's not delve
for upon that matter I've lost hope.

I wish to convey here my missing
you all, my dearest companions.
You are my wild flowers, my laughing stream. 
In this great forest of seclusion
I am the clouds crying, the winds sighing.

Dear friend,
           my da Vinci.
I miss watching you draw
and stealing them into my memory.
If you enter my mind, there is a gallery
of every which drawing of yours I ever saw.
          Our mutual affection is a thing I ponder
          when my days turn sombre.

Dear friend,
        my Halley.
I miss laughing myself silly
at your eclectic stories.
When with you my worries are far
everything brighter, madly funnier.
          Our happy moments I play in my head 
          when my days feel dead.

Dear friend,
        my Cassady.
Of you I've written too much of
thought too much of, seen enough of.
What I miss is your company
well perhaps not really, just maybe.
          I sometimes wish you're nearer 
          so my cruel days feel kinder.

I am sorry if these lines cause you worry
but my solitariness is my own folly.
I've let seeds of gloom grow
around me, into great trees that loom
and estrange me.
In the shadows of these lonely woods
I walk, a stranger.

Note: It's nothing really, this is normal for me. I'm just a tad sad that I haven't really anybody to accompany me to "The Magic of Rumi's Poetry" tour next Thursday at the Love & Devotion: From Persia and Beyond exhibition (@Victoria's State Library). I'll just go by myself hopefully.

Friday, March 9, 2012

A haunting

I will then feel like shouting
because all of this is very real to me
you will never realize
that my heart is in your grasp
and yours never in mine
because for all your wits and cleverness
you are ironically mindless.

Dear solemn one,
you are a ghost of my past
I do not find it enchanting
that all this is but a haunting.
When I die you will receive a red notebook
In it I wrote my heart
only then, should I haunt you.

Wednesday, March 7, 2012

W.H. Auden

As read by John Hannah in the film Four Weddings and a Funeral (1994). Silly film but this poem, it captures the magnitude of melancholy one feels when losing a loved one. Just, exquisite. I'm in quite a mood now that I've been working on making this mp3.

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

My telekung, it still smells like laundry powder from home. Nostalgia is what this is, as ever.

p.s. I miss proper food. Ah, Malaysia.

Friday, March 2, 2012

How does one not appreciate National Geographic, Discovery channel & An Idiot Abroad ? To quote Karl Pilkington, "I don't understand..."