Tuesday, July 28, 2015
Saturday, July 11, 2015
To have the strength to be forgiving is the single most difficult feat imaginable.
It is not in my nature to be calm. I am only calm in a deliberate manner. When reason leaves me, and I am left to behave without thought, it is all fire.
All that simmering heat I quell by force comes unleashed and I am left at a precipice; to be angry or to collect the wounded Ego.
More often than not I fail both and end up behaving in a snappish manner. Swallowing half the anger, channeling my guilt into half-calm.
In summary, an unsightly childlike discomposition. I wish I could simply disappear when such trying moments ensnare me.
Wednesday, July 8, 2015
Which is worse, to hurt or to feel nothing?
Then again...to be unfeeling is a certain kind of agony in itself.
I think of Salinger's Franny chanting that verse she found in that slim book by a Russian monk & I think of M. sharing that dua to be recited for laylatul Qadr;
اللَّهُمَّ إِنَّكَ عَفُوٌ تُحِبُّ الْعَفْوَ فَاعْفُ عَنِّي
'O Allah, you are the Forgiver, You love to forgive, so forgive me.'