Tuesday, July 28, 2015


There is hope yet, and even if it isn't meant to be, at least it isn't some kind of grief that I cannot bear.

Allah musta'an. 

Saturday, July 11, 2015


To have the strength to be forgiving is the single most difficult feat imaginable.

It is not in my nature to be calm. I am only calm in a deliberate manner. When reason leaves me, and I am left to behave without thought, it is all fire.

All that simmering heat I quell by force comes unleashed and I am left at a precipice; to be angry or to collect the wounded Ego.

More often than not I fail both and end up  behaving in a snappish manner. Swallowing half the anger, channeling my guilt into half-calm.

In summary, an unsightly childlike discomposition. I wish I could simply disappear when such trying moments ensnare me.

Wednesday, July 8, 2015


Which is worse, to hurt or to feel nothing?

Then again...to be unfeeling is a certain kind of agony in itself.

I think of Salinger's Franny chanting that verse she found in that slim book by a Russian monk & I think of M. sharing that dua to be recited for laylatul Qadr;

اللَّهُمَّ إِنَّكَ عَفُوٌ تُحِبُّ الْعَفْوَ فَاعْفُ عَنِّي 

'O Allah, you are the Forgiver, You love to forgive, so forgive me.'