Saturday, July 30, 2016


All I wanna do is curl up in bed and read my Southern Vampire Mysteries novels all weekend (which is what I'm doing right now, before I turn in) but it's a 9-2pm and 9-5pm sort of weekend sadly.

Being tired is now simply a way of life. Just as; sleeping at 2 waking up at 6, breakfast in the car at stoplights and on the highway, singing with the radio (I'm Hitz FM & Red FM trash), cursing at bad drivers, being a bad driver myself (not anymore, I drive strictly between 100-130  nowadays post the accident), arriving to work, work, doing all in my power so that I can leave at 5—are.

The other day, it was brought to my attention that I didn't even know the number for my paycheck slips —because I've never checked if my salary tallied with my paycheck. My lack of interest in my remuneration basically had people saying clearly I've never checked because I've never been in short of money. Sounded rather offensive to me but it's true I suppose. All I know is I feel stuck and aimless. Money is about planning ahead and I have no plans. 


My colleagues whom I genuinely like are all leaving next Monday. They're done with the 12 months internship hence are transferring out to other hospitals and clinics. I'll be a lot lonelier I expect, which is disheartening.

Oh well.

It's just what Life is. People move on, they leave, and you just cruise along like you always have; sleepless, breakfasts in the car & radio music keeping you company.

Thursday, July 28, 2016

keep your head up the world hates sad people

No one likes to say it, that they feel lonely sometimes, do they?

That sudden awareness of acute quietness. It's not a pleasant feeling.

Thursday, July 21, 2016


Ombak, kau yang diperhambai 
sang Angin yang sentiasa hanya berlalu
membawa pergi wangian tajam garam-mu
mengapa kau setia sedangkan kau luka?

Biru bergelora, putihnya buih,
menggapai seolah merintih;
            Tiada tenang, tiada aman, 
            yang menuggu
            dalam butir-butiran halus tepian pantai.

Wednesday, July 13, 2016

Monday, July 11, 2016


It's rearing its head again, the wish to just up and leave and never show up for work again.

Sometimes nothing good comes off discussing things you would rather pretend doesn't exist.

But I'll be fine. Just a spell.

Sunday, July 10, 2016


There is a violence in my soul
         it pertains to my heart which longs
                and longs

Sunday, July 3, 2016


What never fades is the red of the heart
             And you who are the red in mine


If there was ever silence or distance in my part, it is either out of respect for another's consternation or merely a desperate act of self-preservation.

To lessen another's hurt or to lessen my own. When words maim, silence becomes a balm. When presence aches, absence becomes refuge. 

Or not.

And then one remembers, fa inni qaribun. There is no silence, no solitariness that is without Him who is the last refuge.

Friday, July 1, 2016