Thursday, May 30, 2013

On tawakkal & taqwa

In the face of adversity, when one despairs, it is a sign of reliance on the self. A reminder, that our reliance should be (as it truly is), only on God.

In the face of difficulties, when one complains, it is a sign of ingratitude. A reminder, that our compliance in our servitude is our gratitude.

A true believer is one who practices patience. And patience, is a lesson that needs to be relearned every day (I read this somewhere but I can't for the life of me remember the source - I've a feeling it's some Jedi thing from Star Wars haha).

I must remember, no, practice this more often.

Friday, May 17, 2013


Today I khatam Qur'an for the 2nd time in my life. Yes, only the 2nd. Still, It marks a progress in my desire to become a better muslimah. Inshallah.


Tuesday, May 14, 2013


Hanyut dalam kelam
Dipinggir paya silam
Merakit-rakit ke tebing
Hati ditangan kujinjing

Siulan angin memberani
Ciuman bulan mengiringi
Dalam pelukan malam
Kuredah hutan hitam.

Sunday, May 12, 2013


Hutan belantara ini kujejaki
sekali lagi
demi mencari kelibat masa lampau
suatu ketika, suatu masa
dimana kesepian mula menjalar
             — Akarnya ingin kubakar

Monday, May 6, 2013

. . .

I'm actually pretty  very sad that I can't attend my brother's engagement seeing that the possibility of my attending the wedding next year is pretty much zilch.

I keep missing ALL the weddings. Cousins etc.


*goes and merajuk sorang2*

Sunday, May 5, 2013

On being reasonable

I am fascinated by the subtlety of human behaviour (I hope that didn't come across as too pretentious). How things said / not said could mean this / that. I used to have such grand delusions of people. That they are capable of flitting from one end of an emotional spectrum to another in the miliseconds of hesitancy. 

Well, I believe they do, we do, I do. We are afterall such marvelously emotional beings.

I just think sometimes one can hope too much that another could feel so much. Or really I'm just a bit too taken by secrecy. Liken it to some great unspoken sacrifice.

I should really just take what people say at face value. Deduce their motivations by evidences instead of great leaps of faith based on my subjective perception. 

Always it is martyrdom. I'm obsessed with the idea. Then again, looking for this noble trait in the average person is really my own fault. I can only turn to accounts of Rasulullah SAW's character, the people around him and of course, my own little league of fictional characters.

Quietly, she slips back into her untrusting nature. (Yes, I totally did just narrate myself). Although, the untrusting being tends to be so unforgiving, which is a vice.

Oh to be noble.