It is not in my nature to be calm. I am only calm in a deliberate manner. When reason leaves me, and I am left to behave without thought, it is all fire.
All that simmering heat I quell by force comes unleashed and I am left at a precipice; to be angry or to collect the wounded Ego.
More often than not I fail both and end up behaving in a snappish manner. Swallowing half the anger, channeling my guilt into half-calm.
In summary, an unsightly childlike discomposition. I wish I could simply disappear when such trying moments ensnare me.