Why can't you just forget? Why can't you simply be satisfied with what you're doing right now? Do you really believe you would be happier otherwise? Why do you feel thwarted? As if the choice you made weren't entirely yours?
It is YOUR own fault after all. Nobody else's. You were given a chance. As slight and condescending a chance it may be but it was there. You cowered and gave in. If you truly had wanted what you thought you wanted you would've gone through with it. No matter the consequences.
I am at a loss. I can't be happy like this. To be happy I need to want to be happy. I need to be content. This is a lost cause.
Money. If we've had had the money all this won't be a problem.
But what of fate? and Destiny? All is in His palms. All is His doing. All is the best for you. All is good for you.
Oh, insolence. Oh, ingratitude. Leave me be. Let me be at peace!
And you still think all this is but a detour. A trial. A period for growth and maturity. A test. So you may be more patient.
All will fade. All will fall into atrophy. Your vague 'zeal' is but a mirage of youth. Not even a good youth I would say.
Carelessness. Fucking carelessness.
This is apathy.
This is the pit.
This is atrophy.
Just keep it together.
Yours sincerely,
Yourownfuckingself.
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