Saturday, August 31, 2013

A dreaming

Have you ever having suddenly been roused from sleep, wholly disoriented, you look at the white walls change colour from light yellow to orange. Reflected in your room, you witnessed the exact moment the sun sets? It happened over the span of a second. It was that brief. You had just woken up and you saw this. You do not remember what you dreamt about but as suddenly as you jolted out of your sleep, a violent pang of sadness grabbed you by the throat and you lay paralysed at its mercy. This sudden momentous sadness simply bored down upon you as swiftly as a lioness  pounced onto the neck of a gazelle. A graceful savage act that rendered you helpless.

I've never felt so disarmed. I wondered what it was I dreamt about that had me wakened into such deep sadness. I don't think it mattered. I think it was the changing of the orange rays that flooded my room. My soul must have grasped in that briefness of the reflected sunset that time is passing. And I saw it passed by me, alone. It was as if Time manifested before me in an apparition and greeted me warmly. But I was alone.

What beautiful sadness it was. I acutely remember its suddenness, which made it unlike any other laborious melancholy. A moment of feeling that surged pure, from within my soul, without the confines of any worldly thought. I simply felt without coming to a feeling. It came to me.


  1. i think there's a term for this. ambedo: n. a kind of melancholic trance in which you become completely absorbed in vivid sensory details—raindrops skittering down a window, tall trees leaning in the wind, clouds of cream swirling in your coffee—which leads to a dawning awareness of the haunting fragility of life.

    and i think theres a scene exactly like this in On The Road. Sal woke up at dusk and felt so disarmed and lonely.

    1. yes that's exactly what it was. sad mad kerouac. *sigh* thanks for dropping by huda.