in the night

you can't seem to ever grasp this world, this life. And you wonder if you ever will. Honestly, I suspect never. That long growing fatigue in your heart when you miss nothing, want nothing, and all that's left are fragmented efforts which you throw into a million things. Not any single one of them even grazing that mark which you aim for.

Endlessly falling short of people and goals. It is hard to keep being alright sometimes. The little things are accumulating and you just can't ignore them. Strangers. Encounters. Conversations. Remarks. Expressions. Just, people. 

It has been so long. What is all this. I am tired. Too easy to feel unloved, too easy to feel alone. Then you remember your blessings, how you've forgotten them.

But then, it's hard to be alright all the time. I can't seem to write exactly what I want and it's hard. At night, everything comes at you at once. Feel like swearing. So you press your forehead to the cool wall. And everything comes at you.