When one is close to another, a strain develops when things are one-sided. Especially if the relationship was built on foundations of idolatry and warring egos fortified by time.
I outgrew you. To think that I used to think you were perfect. The thing is, I cannot be happy when you are derisive towards notions & ideals I hold dear. I account your pessimism to your stringent distance (in every sense of the word) to me, to the rest of the world. You exist in the enclave of your family. I am tolerant of you. I always forgive. And then sometimes I get angry again (like this particular instance).
Do you not realize that I am the lynchpin? Despite it all, you lord over me petty things, which I know you to know, deep down are meant to put me down. I am hurt by your veiled unkindness. Was it jealousy in your part? Or is it simply your nature? (I suspect it is both).
For once, I decided to stop being unassuming of your flighty words and curt dismissals of things I hold dear. I do not do that to you. So why then should I put up with this behaviour. You know me to swallow my pride and keep the peace no matter what, perhaps it is my mistake then, to be so temperate with you.
Ah but to old friends, what is a sharp word or two ey? But darling, to old friends, concern for the other's well-being should be número uno. Or at least to my esteem it is. Evidently, not to you.
I ruminate your small betrayals here where I know you will never know of. Given your absolute disinterest in everything that does not pertain to you. Oh I am bitter indeed. Because I revere loyalty. I cannot stand anything less than absolute faithfulness. My love for you have always been strong, consistent and unconditional. Nonetheless, patience can and do wear thin.
Hurting,
P.
Hurting,
P.
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