I exist in my realities, this illusion, not striving (not hard enough) for that 'Great End' al-ghazali spoke of;
"Know, O beloved, that man was not created in jest or at random, but marvellously made and for some great end."
It's not a good thing to dwell on your weaknesses, I know. To reflect & ponder it a while keeps you humble but to wallow? It breaches the realm of self-indulgence.
I try to be mindful of my thoughts (unintentional Obi-Wan reference, I swear), motivations & actions. I chastise myself quietly all the time. I wonder what it's like to not have ill thoughts. Everybody probably has some of them I imagine.
Again, it comes back to active learning of the Quran and hadiths. To reach that serenity in our dealings. To be that calm and stoic yet still be kind and gentle.
I idealise the quest to ennoble the self. Good character is the testament of a believer. Good character comes from awareness. Awareness from knowledge. All leading to that thirst for Goodness. To want to gain the pleasure of The One.
Sincerity only comes from purity. Purity from humility. Humility from Piety.
I idealize, I'm not doing enough. This I realize.